Fata Morgana
by Sylindara
Summary: Haruka walks through a desert and sees things that aren't there, but are nonetheless true.


Under the blazing, midday sun, Nanase Haruka wound his way through the desert; one hand held tightly onto the reins of the camel plodding beside him while the other dangled listlessly by his side. He no longer remembered how long he had been walking, or where he was walking to. All Haruka knew was that he must keep moving forward.

"_Oh dear, you are a very long way from home, aren't you." A kind voice, paired with kind eyes; but ones that watched so steadily that the stare went right through Haruka, as if he was looking towards a point far off in the distance._

"_Where did you say you were from? Why, that's all the way on the other side of the Kou Empire! This place is far to the west of the Kou Empire, and even further west of your hometown." Haruka hadn't even known there _was_ a west to the Kou Empire. He hadn't cared. _

_Would Rin have known?_

"_Well, we can't leave you like this. Here, this camel can carry your treasure. They're from the dungeon you just cleared, aren't they? I'm sorry I don't know where the rest of your party is; this happens sometimes, not everyone come out together, or at the same time. If you want to find them, you'll have to look for them yourself." _

Find them. Even now, Haruka doubted his own impulse. Did he _want_ to find them? If he looked for them, if they're united again…how long until the next time they left? They all had metal vessels now; djinns to call their own. They didn't need him anymore. Wouldn't this be the perfect opportunity to wash his hands of them for good then? To finally be left alone like he always wanted.

"_Makoto. You're scared aren't you." It was like looking at a flower wilting, except it happened in seconds not hours or days. Makoto's everything was shaking; his hands, his shoulders, his legs. "How long?"_

"_Always. Everyone dies once they enter the dungeon. I know we've made it out twice, but- everyone dies, Haru. What's to say it won't be us this third time round?"_

"_You have a djinn."_

"_I know, Haru, I know. I'm very grateful for Gamygyn. But you almost died getting it, Haru. We might really die this time."_

"_But." Not a flicker of emotion had passed over Haruka's face throughout the entire conversation, as if he already knew everything that was going to be said. It had nothing to do with Haruka's prodigious skills with magic; he simply understood Makoto._

"_But," Makoto agreed, a rueful smile spreading on his face. "I'm scared, all the time; but the thrill of dungeon capturing. Clearing it with everyone- clearing it with Haru. I want to clear more dungeons with Haru! It has to be with Haru! So please. Let's go capture Marchocias; let's get Rin his djinn at last."_

Makoto needed him; has always needed him. Because Makoto was scared of everything, so Haru had to protect him. Because what happened to Makoto happened to Haruka too. That was the way it has always been. Ever since his parents left and his grandma died, all Haruka had left was Makoto; so he must look for him. Haruka had lost count how many times this argument had recreated itself in his mind.

"_You're Rin's younger sister, aren't you? I'm sorry I didn't realise it was you before. It's been a long time," Makoto said, bracing his forearms against the window ledge as he leaned out. He smiled as he always had, though the shadow of burden he always carried with him seemed heavier than before._

"_Yes, it has. Almost four years now."_ _Rin's younger sister propped casually against the wall beside Makoto's window as she replied. "After the dungeon disappeared, we waited, you know? Since you guys didn't always get back right away. But, two years ago, I got impatient. I thought, maybe you guys just decided not to come back or something. So I went looking in the Kou Empire." Her smile was self-deprecating, as if fully aware of just how foolish she sounded, chasing someone when she thought they didn't want to be found. _

"_That's not it at all! It was really different this time; we were flung a lot further coming out of the dungeon. Every time before, we'd come out in more or less the same place we went in, even if we lost some time. But this time, when I came out, I was on the other side of the world," Makoto said all in one breath._

"_I guessed it was something like that. I started hearing about easterners with djinns the closer I got to the western border of Kou. Though to be honest, I didn't think I'd find you first, I've heard a lot more of my brother's exploits than yours."_

"_Yes, I've heard them too. Rin's done very well for himself with his crew of Fanalis." _

"_You've heard the stories but you never found him?" The question came out hesitantly, as if she suddenly realised how rude it was._

"_No, I guess – because they're bandits – they made themselves hard to find on purpose. But then, I've been working as I searched, after I lost most of my treasure, so maybe I would have found him if I had looked harder. How did you find me anyway?"_

"_Ama-chan of course! There're only so many of us from east of the Kou Empire out here, you're pretty fresh in her mind. She told me about the rumours she heard of an easterner working for the King of this country, I suppose that's where you're going?"_

"_Yes. I can't see Haru working under anyone, even a king. But there's always hope that Nagisa's there. Though I'm worried that I haven't heard any rumours about either of them," Makoto admitted. But only steady determination could be seen on his face. It was not an expression the child that Makoto used to be could have managed. One without doubt or hesitation, and an unwavering purpose to it that made Makoto look older than the sixteen years he was supposed to be._

"_I'm sorry I haven't heard anything either. But then, I only heard stories of you because you use your djinn all the time on your jobs; and my brother has his Fanalis gang of course. The fact that there've been no stories about the other two might just be because they haven't used their djinn or magic."_

"_Yes, I know. That's why I'm only chasing rumours of easterners, and not djinns. With all these new dungeons getting cleared, there're no guaranties that the djinn they're talking about would even be Nagisa's anyway." There was a hint of resignation in Makoto's voice now, but the determination did not waver. Somehow, Makoto had learned to be strong._

"_Do you mind if I come along? Even if you're not actively looking for my brother right now, maybe I'll hear something travelling with you."_

It hurt something inside Haruka to think of Makoto being capable of standing on his own two feet. But then, it's been almost four years since the last time Haruka saw him. Four years since the last time Haruka saw any of them. They're not children anymore. It was only to be expected that Makoto would be fine on his own, fine without him. Unbidden, Haruka's hand went up to trace the knife at his belt; he had gotten into the habit of doing that whenever his mind wandered. He knew it was meaningless, and yet.

_Rin looked like the sun when he smiled. Though it helped that the bright light that signified a successful dungeon clearance was shining beatifically behind him, haloing his head. In his outstretched hand was a beautifully worked knife; long, with a gentle arc in its blade, and a handle that curved in on itself like a seashell._

"_What's this." The tone of Haruka's voice was not high enough to be a question._

"_Now that I have a djinn, I can grant people entry into my household," Rin said proudly. As always, Haruka wondered where he got all his information about dungeons and metal vessel users. The closest people who have cleared dungeons were all the way in the Kou Empire. "I know you're a magician so you can't really use household vessels, but I still want you to be the first of my household. So I'm giving this to you."_

"_Ah! No fair, Rin-chan! I want Haru-chan to be in my household!"_

"_Sh-shut up! You don't even know what being in someone's household _means_. It's special! That's why Haru needs to be in my household."_

I don't even need household vessels, stupid Rin, I have enough magoi inside me and enough practice using it that I'm probably more capable than I would have been as your household vessel user. Still, something inside Haruka ached at the thought of being in the household of someone as beloved by the Rukh as Rin. Not that Rin would want to let him into his household now.

"_I wouldn't let just anyone into my household, you know. But I really, really want you to be. So won't you become part of my household? Please, please, please, please, ple~ase," Nagisa held his hands together as he begged. In front of him, in the outfit of the Palace Guards of this particular country, stood a somber young man in spectacles._

"_For the last time, Hazuki, I am a Palace Guard! I'm already part of a household." He must have known the protests would fall on deaf ears. But the young man still stood ramrod straight, chest sticking out and arms crossed in front him, unwilling to bend before the winsome look on Nagisa's face. "How do you even find the time to come here and bug me every day? Aren't you The Oasis's number one dancer?"_

"_Oh, you know that's not what I mean, Rei-chan!" Nagisa said, completely ignoring his questions. He flapped a hand carelessly, making the bangles on his wrist ring out in harmony. "That's not a proper household. I have a real djinn, you know. __Nebiros is a great djinn, you know."_

"_Yes, yes. I have heard all this before."_

"_You still don't believe me! Let me remind you, Haru-chan's a great magician who got us through three dungeons!"_

"_Ah yes, the amazing Haru-chan. The fact that you have a djinn is actually more believable than the fact that this Haru-chan led you through three dungeons, when you were all kids no less. And you say he's not a Magi?" The suspicious look Rei threw at Nagisa was sharp and pointed, as if trying to pierce right through him. Not that it worked. It bounced off Nagisa's indomitable nature the way everything else did._

"_Haru-chan's always said he isn't. And Nebiros says he's not one too," Nagisa contemplated, one hand coming up to rub at the large, circular earring dangling off his ear. "But does this mean you believe me now? Will you join my household?"_

"_I- I'm not _not_ believing you. In any case, I'm more curious about this Haru-chan. Even if he really isn't a Magi, he must have a tremendous amount of magoi and a remarkable skill in wielding it."_

"_Oh yes! Haru-chan's magic is amazing! It's the most beautiful thing you'll ever see." It was the same thing Nagisa always said about Haruka's magic. But there was something subtly different in Nagisa's expression. Nagisa's upfront, frank nature in dealing with everyone was his specialty; it was what made him Nagisa. But suddenly it felt like there was something unknown lurking behind his eyes._

It was unsettling to think that even Nagisa had changed. Or had he always been like that and Haruka was just too blind to see it? The way he had been too blind to see everything else. Except he couldn't think like that. He had to believe that the friendship they shared was real; the bonds they had forged through near-death experiences, the trust they had in each other. It had to be real or else he might as well just stop walking and lie there and wait for death to come.

"_Hey, you're a pupil of Iwatobi's Sasabe. His greatest pupil, Nanase Haruka. I've heard of you." That challenging stare, that self-assured stance. It was the first time Haruka had ever seen the Rukh like someone so much._

"_And how old are you then?" The Rukh had always liked him best. He understood them. And now this kid was here, tempting away all the Rukh. And he wasn't even a magician._

"_You're Matsuoka Rin, right? From Sano?" Makoto suddenly piped up, speaking earnestly to Rin before turning back to Haruka. "He's the same age as us, but he's already famous for his magoi manipulation."_

"_Thanks for remembering my name," Rin told Makoto, not looking like he cared at all about the way Haruka was looking at him. "Hey, are you sure you're not a Magi? I've heard of some of the things you can do with your magic. It's not the kind of thing just anyone can do."_

"_I'm sure," Haruka replied. He didn't want to say more than the minimum of what's required, he didn't want to have to conversation in the first place; but maybe if he explained then Rin would go away. "I can't use any magoi except my own."_

"_Hmmm." The look he got from Rin was surprisingly shrewd; almost unconsciously, Haruka started altering his original assessment of the brash boy. "Clear a dungeon with me, you two!"_

"_What." Or not._

"_I'm not a magician, but I'm half-Fanalis, so I'm really strong and fast. And I know Tachibana Makoto's skill with magoi manipulation is as good as mine. With the three of us, we can get through a dungeon easily!" Rin said with a wide smile. It was a smile that made you want to believe in it, in all the things it was promising._

That was the problem. Haruka didn't regret the adventures they had gone on, the four of them, clearing those dungeons. He knew he should, he should be upset at the ease in which they learned to kill or be killed. At the way Rin made the three of them follow him to the edge of death just so he could have some closure over his dead father. At the fact that Makoto and Nagisa had to leave their loving families for him. But in the end, he was more resentful of the fact that he _didn't_ regret any of it. Not even running around a desert for four years because he was scared of finding the others. Scared that none of them are the people they used to be.

"_You know, you're not what I was expecting."_

"_And what were you expecting, Nitori? Were you fantasising over my stories?" Rin wasn't even looking over at Nitori as he spoke; his attention wholly on the pan of water held in his hand. He was not a magician, nor did his djinn allow him mastery over water; nevertheless, he stared into the dish as if he could see all the answers he sought within the sloshing contents._

"_I was there when you guys came out of that first dungeon, Nebiros." Nitori peeked at Rin from over the sheaf of parchments he cradled in his arms as he spoke, "You all looked really good, like proper adventurers, even though you were all kids my age. And you especially, you were smiling so widely. You looked really happy even though the djinn went to that other kid. But…I haven't seen you smile once since I joined you guys. Not like before." As if embarrassed by his own words, Nitori ducked his head; the beginnings of a blush could be seen on the tips of his ears. "Sorry, that was out of line. Still, when I heard the rumours of a band of Fanalis outlaws with metal vessels, I knew it had to be you. That's why I followed the stories west."_

"_You're a lucky son of a bitch for even being able to find us in the first place. Though there're only two of us Fanalis in the group, unlike what the stories said. Disappointed?"_

"_Oh no, not at all! It's such an honour to able to watch you and the Captain fight. You're so lucky to be Fanalis; and having a djinn on top of that!"_

"_Oh yeah, it sure is great to be Fanalis," Rin said, slouching further into the giant throne he had been perched on, the hand holding the dish flopping over so that the water inside splashed down onto the ground. The platter itself followed soon after with a clatter._

"_Hey guys, here you are! So I talked to the guys and we'll be ready to leave the day after tomorrow. You're gonna have to leave that weird throne behind though. Haha." Just like that, the awkward atmosphere was banished like it had never been. _

"_Captain!" Nitori smiled back as the true leader of the outlaws entered the room to stand in front of Rin, hands squarely on his hips._

_Even Rin's expression smoothed out to something approaching composed as he greeted the newcomer, "Mikoshiba, yo."_

"_You know, every time I've gone looking for you, you've been here with this chair. What's so special about it? The bandits we chased out of this hideout didn't seem to know anything either; the ones that decided to follow us said they never saw the leader do more than just sit in it."_

"_I think it's a magic tool. Not sure. I haven't been able to get it to work." There was a familiar scowl on Rin's face, the one when he knew he'd come up against something just beyond his reach; something that he should be able to get, but fell just short. Tipping his head down so that the bangs fell over his eyes, a harsh whisper fell from his lips, "if _he_ was here, he'd be able to know exactly what this is."_

"'_He'? You mean Nanase? Yeah, that guy's a pretty good magician, isn't he? I remember seeing him do magic once – I think this was before you guys started dungeon exploring – before I left to go to Cathargo. I gotta admit, even out here in the west I don't think I've seen anyone do magic as well as him," Mikoshiba said carelessly, as if he was completely unaware of the dark mood Rin was caught up in._

"_If I may ask, why do you want to find Nanase-san so much anyway? I mean, you've been looking for him since before I joined. It's been years, what if he doesn't want to be found?" Nitori's tone was hesitant, but still determined. "Sorry, I know it's a personal question."_

"_Yeah, that's right. It's got nothing to do with you. I just have unfinished business with him, that's all."_

Unfinished business. Remembering what happened the last time they met, the shot of adrenaline in his system made Haruka reach for his staff. But all his hand could feel was the empty space where it should have been; half the time he still forgot the fact that he had lost it in the last dungeon. Not that it mattered. He didn't use his magoi anymore; all magic did was get him in trouble.

"_This is amazing. I recognise that place; it's the town we're on the outskirts of, isn't it? The fact that you can make the image so clear with such a poor focus means you must have a prodigious skill in magic." The speaker that had appeared behind Haruka while he was unaware was a wrinkly old man with a kindly air extruding from him. "My name is Matal Mogamett. What is yours?"_

"_I'm Haruka. Nanase Haruka." Looking down at the knife in his hand, which did make a poor focus for magic-work, Haruka felt compelled to explain himself, "I lost my staff in the dungeon. It got destroyed. I haven't found anything better yet."_

"_Ah, you are a dungeon capturer? Then these bundles must be the treasure you got from clearing the dungeon," Mogamett said, gesturing to the laden down camel standing off to the side as he slid down beside Haruka on the hard ground, leaning his back against the low wall that marked the boundary of the oasis town._

_A little uncomfortable with the sudden attention when he had mentioned the dungeon, Haruka turned his head to the side and slid his eyes to the ground, squirming a little in his cross-legged position. "Yes. I've been looking for the other members of my party. For some reason we were separated when we left the dungeon. It hasn't been going very well, since I only have this knife for a focus."_

"_I have heard of that happening before, people coming out of dungeons only to find themselves separated through not only distance, but time. And no one seems to know why. I myself have wondered if that might not be because of Fate." A grim expression fell over Mogamett's face as he spoke, and Haruka wondered if the kindness he felt before had just been an illusion._

"_Fate?" _

"_Yes. Fate. Perhaps the Rukh ordained for your separation." As if suddenly realising that Haruka was slowly leaning away from his sombre words, Mogamett hastily said, "of course, I'm sure your friends are looking for you as well."_

"_I'm sure they're doing their best. But none of them are magicians, and I'm not sure their djinns can help in this case, or that they would know how to use their djinns to do something like this…" Haruka's words trailed off as he saw the increasingly harsh expression on Mogamett's face; unconsciously, his body scrambled to get away from the looming Mogamett as he encroached progressively into Haruka's personal space._

"_How long have you been looking for them, my child?"_

"_A-a few months. I haven't been having much luck. I thought for sure he was in this town, it's where my magic has been pointing to all this time, but I must have just missed him because-"_

"_Haruka, do believe me when I say that I am not trying to cast aspirations on your friends, but are you absolutely sure that they want you to find them? I have been alive in this world for a long time, and experience tells me that the Goi cannot be trusted."_

"_They're not like that! We've been through so much together, the four of us. And-even after my parents left, Makoto stayed with me. Makoto needs me. The others need me." The expression on Mogamett's face only grew more sorrowful as Haruka grew more desperate in his justifications, until Haruka could find nothing to say._

"_Of course they need us. They are Goi; that is what they always say, always think, until the day they don't. They fear us, and in their fear they will leave. If you truly didn't believe me, you wouldn't be trying so hard to deny it, would you?" Mogamett asked, leaning right into Haruka's face. "Come with me to Magnostadt. It is a country made by magicians, _for_ magicians. You will be free to do whatever you want, without the Goi getting in the way."_

"_I-I don't…"_

_As if finally realising the discomfort he was causing the child, Mogamett stood up and slowly stepped away. "It is up to you to decide, and I am not trying to influence you either way. Sooner or later, you will understand what the Goi really are."_

_Haruka did not say a word, but there was a hint of pity as he looked up at Mogamett, whose slumped shoulders made him suddenly look much older than he had seemed before._

"_You will understand," Mogamett repeated. Reaching into his pocket, he drew out a small, polished stone and laid it down on the ground between them. "This is a Rukh's Eye. It is a special magic tool created by someone very dear to me. If you ever had enough of dealing with the Goi – and you will, one day – contact me through this and I will take you away from all this. I can sense the strong magoi within you. You are a great magician, too great to be confined to fulfilling the Goi's needs."_

_Haruka stayed huddled down against the wall, not daring to move until Mogamett had completely disappeared inside town. Only when not even the slightest outline of his profile could be seen did Haruka finally stretch out his hand towards the unassuming gem lying on the ground._

"_Who was that guy?" _

"_Rin!" The sudden shock caused Haruka to drop the rock with a yelp, finding himself caught unawares for the second time that day. "How long have you been here?"_

"_I just made it back to town when I heard that there was another easterner kid like me asking around," Rin said with a shrug, "I went looking and found that old geezer crowding you. I decided to wait a bit in case we needed the element of surprise, but then…what he said to you. Do you believe that?"_

"_No! You guys are my friends!"_

"_You stopped trying to deny what he said."_

"_But- that's because I heard what they said in the town. About the half-Fanalis with the metal vessel who's been staying in town for the past couple of months. He was right; you really haven't been trying to find us, have you?" _

"_I was training with my djinn! Stuff like djinn equip doesn't just happen, you know. And being half-Fanalis means that I don't have that much magoi, not as much as _you_, so I need to make as much of it as I can. And that all takes practice."_

"_Yeah, you have a djinn now. You've finally got what you wanted." Haruka bowed his head as he spoke, hiding his eyes behind his bangs._

"_And what's that supposed to mean?" Rin snarled. The whitening knuckles on his fists a sharp contrast to the darker tan of the rest of his skin._

"_You could have looked for us while you were training! That's not even a good excuse. Did you even want to see the rest of us again?"_

"_Oh that's rich, coming from you! It's not like you ever acted like you were part of the team. Makoto's the one who's always going on and on about being friends, but you! You were always acting like you were too good for the rest of us. What that geezer said, is that how you really feel? That you're better than the rest of us because you're a magician? That we need you, that we can't do anything without you?" Turning sharply on his heel, Rin stepped away briskly without waiting for Haruka's reply. A rustle behind him caused him to stop, and Rin twisted his head around only to scowl as he saw Haruka leaning forward to pick up the Rukh's Eye. "Do whatever you want, go to that stupid magic country, I don't care. I'll show you, I don't need you!"_

_Watching Rin run off into the distance, Haruka stayed with one hand outstretched as if he was frozen in place. Finally, as if a spell has been broken, Haruka threw the Rukh's Eye back to the ground with a quiet moan. The cry turned into a yell of frustration as he took up his knife and stabbed at the stone with the full force of his magoi until it had been reduced to fragments. _

He hadn't known how to explain himself back then, not in the face of Rin's anger and distress. Even now, he wasn't sure of the right words that can clarify his feelings; and so, he wandered this hellish expanse, forever second-guessing himself as he watched the consequences of his inactions. The Rukh knew what he wanted; he just no longer had the clarity of mind to control them. Was what he was seeing actually clairvoyance magic, or just hallucination? Haruka could no longer tell the difference. He wondered if it even mattered that he could no longer tell the difference. It's been two days since he ran out of water.

* * *

There are so many things that ended up not making it into this fic that I really kind of want to write more in this universe. Specifically Amakata (who used to be a student at Magnostadt Academy before dropping out after taking the Ideology Reformation lecture) telling Haruka that Magnostadt is full of shit, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to believe in the inherent goodness of Goi, you hear me?

Also, a note regarding the djinn (thank you wikipedia):

Nebiros - The demon Naberius was first mentioned by Johann Weyer in 1583. He is supposedly the most valiant Marquis of Hell, and has nineteen legions of demons under his command. **He makes men cunning in all arts, but especially in rhetoric**, speaking with a hoarse voice. He also **restores lost dignities and honors**, although to Johann Weyer he **procures the loss of them**.

Naberius appears as a three-headed dog or a raven. He has a raucous voice but presents himself as eloquent and amiable. He **teaches the art of gracious living**. He is depicted as a crow or a black crane.

I thought that was appropriate for Nagisa.

Gamygyn - Gamigin (also Gamygin, Gamigm or Samigina) is a Great Marquis of Hell who rules over thirty legions of demons. He teaches all liberal sciences and **gives an account of the souls of those who died in sin and who drowned in the sea**, speaking with a rough voice. He also answers what is asked about, and stays with the conjurer until he or she is satisfied.

Appropriate for Makoto and a nice twist of angst.

Marchocias - Marchosias is a powerful Great Marquis of Hell, commanding thirty legions of demons. He is a **strong and excellent fighter** and very reliable to the conjurer, giving true answers to all questions. Marchosias **hoped after one thousand and two hundred years to return to heaven with the non-fallen angels, but he is deceived in that hope**.

I just like being mean to Rin.

All three being Marquises is just a coincidence.


End file.
